She is going to the hospital where her boyfriend has been institutionalized. She pauses to consider her world in splinters. In a shocking exhibition of rage and madness, she manages to scream and laugh at the same time, as a piece of bread falls to the ground from her pocket.
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My doctor told me that my aura of untouchability was weather-bound. His argument was the following: if we were all given one good volley, then we could drag every dog and cat before a tribunal. Didn’t make much sense to me either. An impossible task when all is said and done, or, simply as if it had always been there, resting in the warm dust of the earth.
Face turned, mouth ajar, I witnessed the police officer reacting with rage, with hatred. He intentionally raised his arm, letting fear stir in the eyes of his victim. This moment hangs solemnly in my memory. As after an orgasm, the one action perfectly matches the qualities of a sensation, that it is obvious one can hope for nothing more in the way of a long-suppressed thought.
It’s always interesting for me to wrestle with domestic problems before they happen. Often what I do is tie up my partner and try to remember how we first met. For the record: I am the one I most want to see. But one thing I do that I still think about, and wrote a lot about in my notes, is deciphering the lettering on ancient tombs.
I used to set my standards to a reasonable level. and every week I clenched a knife between my teeth. Today I am collecting mounds of live ammunition. When you’re an adult, light fiction of any kind is absolutely forbidden.
My mother was furious. She said she couldn’t believe that I had flushed jumbles of copper, steel and brass down the toilet. I walked out of the room, thought the situation through and gazed up at the sky. I felt ant-like and continued to scratch my bladder and blink my eyes incessantly.
Racing against time, they had delivered the white floating object three weeks late. Twice a week these chickens with hideous feathers would celebrate victory in the middle of the field. It would be the biggest and most lucrative political contest ever held. "I think I'm officially going to give up eating fowl now!" the announcer proclaimed on Channel 4.
I wasn’t home when she called. So I went to the cafe alone. The road there wound steeply uphill. When I arrived at the cafe I heard the news. I was so shaken that I buried a small stone in a patch of wild flowers nearby. Unable to talk through my tears, I sighed and watched a beetle slowly crawl over a scrabble of ruined plaster.
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August 2018
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